Why This Outdated Dating Manual Did Not Need a Social-Media Update

The Rules, a dating instruction manual of yore by two ladies named Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (they know what they’re talking about ’cause they’re married!), should, by now, have gone the way of the cave drawing or the horse and buggy, as a relic of times past. It was initially published in 1995, nearly 20 years ago, and we don’t even want to calculate what that means in dog years. But alas, it’s still hanging around, lurking in the bookshelves of various bricks and mortar stores where such things are sold; lingering on Amazon.com and giving us coquettish looks; promising such things as actual, official answers in the ongoing struggle to win a man and make him put a ring on it (I’m paraphrasing, of course).

RELATED: Actual Wall Streeters Respond to Matchmaker’s Tips for Dating Them

Far from aging gracefully and going away, it’s been updated to bring it up to speed with the newfangled ways in which we do things, you know, on the Facebook and World Wide Web and whatnot. Of course, business-wise, this makes sense. It’s a best-seller! In fact, there’s a whole franchise of Rules books, described by Elle as “one of the best self-help books of all time.” So why wouldn’t Fein and Schneider and their publisher hope to make some more money with a new installment of the book that promises answers to pressing social media-dating questions like these: “How long should I wait to respond to his text message? Can I friend him on Facebook? Why did he ask for my number but never call me?” 

RELATED: Andrea Peyser Does Not Approve of This ‘Online Dating’

Well, they would. Grand Central Publishing released the book, Not Your Mother’s Rules, on January 8, and it’s ranked number 4 in dating books on Amazon. One would presume from the title and the pitch that the ladies behind it hope that the younger generations will lap this stuff up, just like their moms did. 

RELATED: Commuting to the Suburbs of Love

Of course, it’s a self-help book, so I am predisposed to dislike it. Self-help books, especially those about dating, often fall into a category that could be better described as, well, undermining. The problems with such books for me are multifold. One, they posit that human relationships can be commoditized; that there is one path that works for all in terms of getting what you want. (They also presume, in a stereotypical manner, that what we all want is the same, and, I think, infer there’s some ongoing battle between men, who want one thing, and women, who want the opposite.) I don’t think those messages are true, and I don’t think they’re particularly healthy or helpful, either.

RELATED: The Trials of Being a Married Olympian

Further, self-help books are published to make money. Those that say they’ll teach a reader how to get married or get the relationship they want do so by preying on the bewilderment, confusion, insecurity, and desires of women (and sometimes men, too). Sure, dating is hard. Sure, it’s difficult to find “the right person.” But the process should also to be fun, experiential, silly, weird, unique, and something we learn from. Figuring out what you want for yourself by doing it, that’s a great thing. Making dating about adhering to some code that a couple of people came up with and want to sell you so they can make money, well, that’s not so great. Women and men may read this stuff because they think it can’t hurt. Sometimes it feels good to believe that there are rules that can be followed to get what we want; it means we need only have the dedication and commitment to follow those rules, which is way easier than, for instance, thinking for ourselves deeply and making our own decisions, and having courage and believing in ourselves. 

RELATED: Old People Are Getting Better at Dating

Some of the advice in this book may not be categorically awful. Simplified to “don’t act like an obsessive”; “pause before you rush to do something you regret”; and “take care of yourself!” some instructions could actually be quite handy as a common-sense reminder. But categorizing it as stuff women need to follow to snag a man makes it highly problematic, even if the occasional tip is not so bad. And stuff like this, “New chapters include rules for text flirting: women under 30 wait 30 minutes to respond to a man’s text; older women should wait 4 hours,” as Pat Kiernan wrote today on his blog, is particularly disheartening, and inherently sort of woman-hating. Control your texting, The Rules ladies say. “Women shouldn’t take the first step to initiate any relationship — and that includes online dating,” they told the New York Daily News. Once you have a guy, ignore him, “at least for a little while.” And don’t sext until you’re married. That might save us from a few political scandals. But is this the kind of advice women need, in this day and age? 

If there was to be an excellent dating self-help book for the year 2013, I’d hope it would tell people to trust themselves. To behave as they see fit, according to the situation they’re in, regardless of age, because they are smart, lovely people who deserve the good things they put out into the world, and even if they make mistakes, they’ll find their way and do the right thing. That self-help book would tell women to stop reading dating self-help books, and instead to behave as though they knew they were wise enough to decide for themselves what they should do, to interpret the signs and make the right moves, or make the wrong ones and deal with that, too, instead of adhering to some rules that aren’t really the way we are at all. It would most of all tell everyone to be themselves, and stop pretending to be something else. Because The Rules, and those who follow them, create some weird perceptions among men and women. Suddenly anyone who does text someone right back is perceived somehow as needy or “too easy to get.” That’s especially odd given that a four-hour delay in a response, when you could respond quite easily, is actually rather rude. Would that we could rid the world of such descriptions as “hard to get” altogether, because more important than playing games or appearing a certain way (difficult to get?) is finding someone you care about and behaving a way that shows that you do. Why do we persist, instead, in making everything so convoluted and difficult?

We can only hope, I suppose, that as time progresses these tips will become as ancient and quaint-sounding as, for example, the instructions in Miss Leslie’s Behavior Book, published in the 1800s. Until then, a word of advice. Follow your instincts; if it feels right, it probably is; don’t believe everything you read in dating books, and maybe, do yourself a favor: Don’t read dating advice books at all. But DO read Miss Leslie’s, for snippets such as this: 

Now, that’s helpful advice. 

Social Media News Headlines – Yahoo! News

Title Post: Why This Outdated Dating Manual Did Not Need a Social-Media Update
Url Post: http://www.news.fluser.com/why-this-outdated-dating-manual-did-not-need-a-social-media-update/
Link To Post : Why This Outdated Dating Manual Did Not Need a Social-Media Update
Rating:
100%

based on 99998 ratings.
5 user reviews.
Author: Fluser SeoLink
Thanks for visiting the blog, If any criticism and suggestions please leave a comment

Read More..

Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis Engaged

Olivia Wilde, 28, and Saturday Night Live star Jason Sudeikis, 38, are engaged, ET can confirm.

The pair, who went public in December of 2011, moved in together last year and have been seemingly inseparable since.

Related: Olivia Wilde Divorces Italian Royal

According to People, Sudeikis proposed to the Tron: Legacy star shortly after the holidays.

"They are so excited," says a source. "And very, very happy."

No word yet on a wedding date.

Video: Olivia Wilde Steams Up the Screen

This will be the second wedding for Wilde, whose divorce to Italian royal Tao Ruspoli was finalized in late September of 2011.

Read More..

6 arrested in new gang rape of bus passenger in India

AFP/Getty Images

Indian police personnel present six arrested men, accused of a gang rape in Punjab state, for an appearance at court in Gurdaspur.

NEW DELHI — Police said Sunday they have arrested six suspects in another gang rape of a bus passenger in India, four weeks after a brutal attack on a student on a moving bus in the capital outraged Indians and led to calls for tougher rape laws.

Police officer Raj Jeet Singh said a 29-year-old woman was the only passenger on a bus as she was traveling to her village in northern Punjab state on Friday night. The driver refused to stop at her village despite her repeated pleas and drove her to a desolate location, he said.

There, the driver and the conductor took her to a building where they were joined by five friends and took turns raping her throughout the night, Singh said.

The driver dropped the woman off at her village early Saturday, he said.

Singh said police arrested six suspects on Saturday and were searching for another.

Gurmej Singh, deputy superintendent of police, said all six admitted involvement in the rape. He said the victim was recovering at home.

Also on Saturday, police arrested a 32-year-old man for allegedly raping and killing a 9-year-old girl two weeks ago in Ahmednagar district in western India, the Press Trust of India news agency reported. Her decomposed body was found Friday.

Police officer Sunita Thakare said the suspect committed the crime seven months after his release from prison after serving nine years for raping and murdering a girl in 2003, PTI reported Sunday.

The deadly rape of a 23-year-old student on a New Delhi bus in December led to the woman's death and set off an impassioned debate about what India needs to do to prevent such tragedies. Protesters and politicians have called for tougher rape laws, police reforms and a transformation in the way the country treats women.

"It's a very deep malaise. This aspect of gender justice hasn't been dealt with in our nation-building task," Seema Mustafa, a writer on social issues who heads the Center for Policy Analysis think tank, said Sunday.

"Police haven't dealt with the issue severely in the past. The message that goes out is that the punishment doesn't match the crime. Criminals think they can get away it," she said.

In her first published comments, the mother of the deceased student in the New Delhi attack said Sunday that all six suspects in that case, including one believed to be a juvenile, deserve to die.

She was quoted by The Times of India newspaper as saying that her daughter, who died from massive internal injuries two weeks after the attack, told her that the youngest suspect had participated in the most brutal aspects of the rape.

Five men have been charged with the physiotherapy student's rape and murder and face a possible death penalty if convicted. The sixth suspect, who says he is 17 years old, is likely to be tried in a juvenile court if medical tests confirm he is a minor. His maximum sentence would be three years in a reform facility.

"Now the only thing that will satisfy us is to see them punished. For what they did to her, they deserve to die," the newspaper quoted the mother as saying.

Some activists have demanded a change in Indian laws so that juveniles committing heinous crimes can face the death penalty.

The names of the victim of the Dec. 16 attack and her family have not been released.

Read More..

After rough year, Carnival hopes for calmer waters

After boarding the latest addition to the Carnival Cruise Lines family, Josh Beaver sampled lasagna at the new onboard Italian restaurant, downed some drinks with his traveling companions and hit the water slides while the afternoon was still young.

“So far, from what I’ve seen, there’s lots to do,” said Beaver, 33, of Holden Beach, N.C.

The Carnival Breeze hadn’t even left PortMiami yet on a recent Saturday, and already it buzzed with vacationers exploring all there was to do: nosh on a Pig Patty from the new Guy’s Burger Bar, make friends with bartenders at the new RedFrog Pub or check out a novel and a glass of the grape at the new Library Bar.

Here aboard one of the largest ships in the biggest brand of the Number One cruise ship company in the world, there was little hint that the last year was one of the toughest in the 41-year history of parent company Carnival Corp. & plc.

Last year got off to a catastrophic start when Costa Concordia, owned by Carnival unit Costa Cruises, struck rocks in Italian waters as the captain steered the ship on an unauthorized route. The massive liner listed to one side, and 32 people died in the chaos that followed.

“When you lose lives, it’s heartbreaking,” said Carnival Corp. Vice Chairman and COO Howard Frank, who devoted much of his time last winter handling the aftermath with Costa leaders. “And so I think in terms of our emotional reaction to it, it’s been the toughest year we’ve had.”

Carnival Corp. Chairman and CEO Micky Arison took criticism for not going to Italy following the wreck, but said he believes the company did the right thing and doesn’t second-guess his actions.

Financially, the company took a hit as well, starting with discounts that were necessary to drum up business after the accident. Costa’s future bookings plunged, but picked up after the operator slashed prices. As of mid-December, prices at Costa remained lower than they were a year earlier, though the company expects that to change once the anniversary of the accident passes.

“I think we’ve been consistent in saying the recovery at Costa is not a one-year issue,” Arison said during the December earnings call with analysts. “It’s going to be multiple years, and we are forecasting a recovery of about half the yield deterioration.”

The ship remains on its side off the island of Giglio; it’s expected to be removed by the end of summer.

A flurry of civil lawsuits have been filed, but none have reached trial yet; the company has reached compensation agreements with 70 percent of the more than 3,000 passengers who were not physically injured and 60 percent of injured passengers and families of those who died.

As the company and broader industry focused anew on safety, the summer months presented a fresh set of problems when the European economy weakened just as cruise lines were stationing more ships in the Mediterranean. While North America was immune to those concerns, the run-up to the Presidential election and the fiscal cliff debates prompted Carnival to worry about a slowdown in business at home.

Last month, Carnival forecast 2013 earnings that were lower than expectations and said advance bookings for the year were behind what they were a year earlier at lower prices. Many analysts believe the projections were conservative, though, and executives said they were hopeful that January would bring more robust business.

Read More..

Jurors hear secret tape recording in Miami police corruption trial as feds rest their case

As rain began to fall on a June evening, Miami Police Sgt. Raul Iglesias told an undercover detective in his drug-fighting squad to turn off his cell phone and take out the battery as both officers stood outside the boss’s home.

Iglesias, already relieved of duty on suspicions of being a dirty cop, feared Roberto Asanza’s phone could be recording him. And his instincts were right, because Asanza was wired — though not through his phone.

“No one has done anything illegal or broke the law,” Iglesias told Asanza in the recorded conversation, played for jurors Friday at the sergeant’s corruption trial in Miami federal court. “... If they got, they got [it], but I [have] never seen anyone in my unit do anything wrong.”

Later in their chat, Asanza — who was cooperating with authorities and trying to bait his boss into incriminating statements — expressed fears about lying on the witness stand if he was asked to testify. Iglesias agreed that committing perjury would be a bad idea.

“Yeah, of course, you don’t wanna, you don’t wanna f---ing lie,’’ Iglesias responded.

The secret tape recording from June 2010 was the last piece of evidence that prosecutors presented before resting their corruption case Friday against Iglesias, 40, who has been on the force for 18 years.

Iglesias, an ex-Marine and Iraq War veteran who was shot in the leg during a 2004 drug bust, is standing trial on charges of planting cocaine on a suspect, stealing drugs and money from dope dealers, and lying to investigators about a box of money left in an abandoned car as part of an FBI sting.

Asanza, 33, also an ex-Marine, pleaded guilty last year to a misdemeanor charge of possessing cocaine and marijuana. The deal helped him avoid a felony conviction; in exchange, he testified Thursday that Iglesias told him it was “okay” to pay off confidential informants with drugs.

The secret tape recording could cut both ways for jurors. On it, Iglesias did not say anything to Asanza to implicate himself in connection with charges in the nine-count indictment, his defense attorney, Rick Diaz, pointed out Friday. The charges encompass the police sergeant’s brief stint as head of the Crime Supression Unit from January to May 2010.

Miami Internal Affairs Sgt. Ron Luquis, a government witness, agreed with Diaz’s general assessment during his testimony Friday, though the witness also sided with many of prosecutor Ricardo Del Toro’s critical views of the same evidence.

Asanza, despite agreeing to cooperate, discreetly gave his supervisor a heads-up that he was facing a potential criminal investigation when they met for the recorded conversation, according to sources familiar with probe.

The recording was made two months after other members of Iglesias’ Crime Suppression Unit wrote an anonymous letter to internal affairs, alleging that he was “stealing drugs and money” from dealers “2-3 times per 4-day work week.” Five CSU members, including Asanza, testified against Iglesias over the past week.

Asanza’s recording of Iglesias was less intelligible when both went inside the police sergeant’s home. Asanza’s wire picked up the sound of a barking dog, a blaring TV and the rustling of paper. Investigators believe Iglesias wrote down information on sheets of paper and later burned them, but that evidence was not presented to jurors.

Read More..

Lenovo IdeaTab A2107 comes to AT&T for $200 with no contract

AT&T (T) on Friday announced the addition of the Lenovo (LNVGY) IdeaTab A2107 to its line of tablet PCs. The 7-inch slate is equipped with a 1GHz dual-core processor, 1GB of RAM, 16GB of internal storage, 3G connectivity and Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich. The IdeaTab A2107 also includes a 3-megapixel rear camera, a microSD slot, a front-facing camera and a 3550 mAh battery. The tablet’s display isn’t nearly as good as the competition, however, sporting a mere 1024 x 600 resolution with a pixel density of 170 pixels per inch, falling short of Google’s (GOOG) similarly priced Nexus 7.

[More from BGR: Samsung cancels Windows RT plans in U.S.]

“The Lenovo IdeaTab is a great option for those in the market for a compact, multifunctional tablet at an affordable price,” said Chris Penrose, senior vice president of emerging devices at AT&T. “Connecting it to the AT&T network keeps customers connected while on the go to what matters most.”

[More from BGR: ‘Apple is done’ and Surface tablet is cool, according to teens]

The IdeaTab A2107 is available now for $ 200 without a two-year agreement or $ 100 on contract.

This article was originally published on BGR.com

Wireless News Headlines – Yahoo! News

Title Post: Lenovo IdeaTab A2107 comes to AT&T for $200 with no contract
Url Post: http://www.news.fluser.com/lenovo-ideatab-a2107-comes-to-att-for-200-with-no-contract/
Link To Post : Lenovo IdeaTab A2107 comes to AT&T for $200 with no contract
Rating:
100%

based on 99998 ratings.
5 user reviews.
Author: Fluser SeoLink
Thanks for visiting the blog, If any criticism and suggestions please leave a comment

Read More..

Britney Spears Split with Jason Trawick

After more than three years together, Britney Spears and her fiance Jason Trawick have split, her rep confirmed to People.

RELATED - Britney "Working Hard" on New Music

"Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement," Spears says in the statement. "I'll always adore him and we will remain great friends." Trawick adds, "As this chapter ends for us a new one begins. I love and cherish her and her boys and we will be close forever."

Spears, who got engaged to Trawick on his 40th birthday in December of 2011, previously said of her now-ex, "We're really normal. We just like to watch movies. We work out a lot. We love to work out. We do stuff together like that. We take walks."

VIDEO - More Shocking Celebrity Splits

Today has been a big day for sad Spears news as it was previously announced she wouldn't be returning for another season of The X Factor.

"I've made the very difficult decision not to return for another season," Spears told ETonline in a statement. "I had an incredible time doing the show and I love the other judges and I am so proud of my teens but it's time for me to get back in the studio."

Read More..

Man stabbed and burnt to death in Bronx

Seth Gottfried

Firefighters on the scene of today's fatal Bronx fire

A man was stabbed and burnt to death in the Bronx this morning, cops said.

Firefighters discovered his body under a mattress during a fire that started about 6 a.m. on the second floor of a Fordham Heights building on Webster Avenue near 182nd Street, police sources said.

The victim, 56, lived at the address and was found with stab wounds to his neck, as well as burns to his body. He was identified as Gregory Evans of the Bronx.

Evans died shortly after at St. Barnabas Hospital, and the flames were extinguished about 6:30 a.m.

Cops are investigating whether the mattress was set on fire during the grisly slaying.

Police collared a suspect in the murder on E Fordham Road and Webster Avenue shortly after the blaze, sources said.

The 48-year-old was taken into custody for questioning and has not been charged yet.

The relationship between the two men was not immediately clear, police said.

Read More..

What the week’s big mortgage moves mean for consumers

This week brought three big developments to the nation’s beleaguered mortgage landscape. For consumers, the complex moves have been mostly mystifying, but experts say they all aim at turning the page.

“There is a strong desire to put behind us all this period of time — the aftermath of the darkest period in American finance. All these things [announced this week] are intended to do that,” said John Taylor, president and CEO of the National Community Reinvestment Coalition, a Washington, D.C.-based community advocacy group. “There are good and bad things in it for consumers.’’

A new rule issued Thursday by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau aims to prevent lenders from making the sort of toxic mortgages that forced many unsuspecting borrowers into ruin. Yet the new “qualified mortgage” rule, according to some lenders, also could perpetuate the nation’s tight credit problem and keep many would-be homebuyers on the sidelines.

Meanwhile, two settlements unveiled Monday with big banks should resolve some lingering issues from the mortgage meltdown that have kept banks focused on past errors instead of getting back to the business of lending.

Here is a quick primer on the week’s developments and some likely implications for consumers.

OCC Settlement

The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency, which regulates nationally chartered banks, Monday unveiled an $8.5 billion settlement with 10 giant banks that service mortgages.

As part of the controversial settlement, the OCC is scrapping its Independent Foreclosure Review, which was aimed at identifying victims of robo-signing and other improper foreclosure tactics by banks, but soon proved to be a badly flawed effort.

Instead, under the OCC’s new approach — which will be spelled out in enforcement actions in a couple of weeks — more than 3.8 million borrowers who faced foreclosure between Jan. 1, 2009 and Dec. 31, 2010 stand to get some payment regardless of whether they actually suffered any harm.

The mortgage servicing banks covered are Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Citibank, JPMorgan Chase, SunTrust, PNC, Sovereign, U.S. Bank, MetLife Bank and Aurora.

The agreement provides for $3.3 billion to go directly to borrowers. Another $5.2 billion is earmarked for loan modifications and the forgiveness of deficiency judgments.

The OCC said the amount that eligible borrowers get will range from a few hundred dollars up to $125,000, depending on the type of error that possibly occurred in their mortgage servicing.

“If a borrower went through foreclosure with one of those 10 lenders, they should receive a couple hundred bucks, whether they deserve it or not,” said Guy Cecala, publisher and CEO of Inside Mortgage Finance Publications in Bethesda, Md., which tracks news and statistics in the residential mortgage industry. “The odds of getting $125,000 is the odds of winning the lottery. It would have to be a false foreclosure or where they were thrown out of their house illegally.”

The OCC will look to 13 broad categories of errors outlined in the Independent Foreclosure Review launched in April 2011.

Those include a litany of bumblings and misdeeds by the mortgage servicers, ranging from foreclosing on a homeowner who was following the rules during a trial period of a loan modification, to failing to offer a loan modification as mandated under a government program, to failing to follow up with a borrower to obtain needed documents under a government program.

Read More..

South Florida man charged with brewing moonshine in his backyard

Authorities say they have arrested a 23-year-old man who has been distilling and selling moonshine at his Lantana home.

Daniel David Pawa is in the Palm Beach County Jail this morning facing charges including possessing moonshine, conspiracy to violate beverage laws and possessing a fire arm, according to the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation.

Department officials say Pawa was arrested early this morning in Lantana by agents from their Division of Alcoholic Beverages and Tobacco. The address of Pawa’s West Palm Beach home, where authorities say he was cooking the alcohol, was not immediately available.

Authorities did say that undercover agents had bought more than 40 gallons of moonshine from Pawa. When they searched his home they found a moonshine still, liquor bottles, a hydrometer, mason jars and a .45 caliber gun.

Possession of the gun is the most serious charge, a second degree felony punishable by up to 15 years in prison and up to $10,000 in fines. Pawa faces four other charges, all third-degree felonies that could earn him up to five years in prison and/or up to a $5,000 fine for each should he be found guilty.

The West Palm Beach and Lantana police departments assisted with the arrest and securing the home. The address where Pawa was arrested was also not immediately available.

The Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office bomb squad responded to scene when a grenade was found during the search, according

to the department.

Authorities are still looking for two other individuals they believe were in on the moonshining operation.

Read More..